My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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