I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
