Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
That's intense
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
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