And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
