I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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