So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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