You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
