and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
