I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
