just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
