OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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