Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
