I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
