it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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