I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
