I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
