As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
