Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
