Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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