Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ambien. No doubt about it.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
