What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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