That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
