did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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