It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
