I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
