I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Text me some of your sweat
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