brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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