At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
