We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found the other keg... it's in the tree
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
