Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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