i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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