she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You took a bar mat shot.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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