ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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