I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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