She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
