i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
