He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
jump out the window naked night went bad
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