im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
