Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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