I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
