he referred to my room as the tit cave...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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