i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
