Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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