Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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