I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
