he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
