i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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