The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
