I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
