I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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