NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
