We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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