You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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