He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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