what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
