She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im holly from the hills drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
