You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize