grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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