life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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