worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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