i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
