why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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