I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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