She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
