If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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