Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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