WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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