Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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