So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
