I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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