Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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