She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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