First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
