How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
