drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
