I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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