And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
