Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
