ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I need to align my fucking chakras
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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