I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
