I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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