Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
