Do you still have your period?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
